My Favorite is #11

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LDUBS
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Location: Clayton California

My Favorite is #11

Post by LDUBS »

Another one of those lists:

1. When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison.
2. To me, "drink responsibly" means don't spill it.
3. Age 60 might be the new 40, but 9:00 pm is the new midnight.
4. It's the start of a brand new day, and I'm off like a herd of turtles.
5. The older I get, the earlier it gets late.
6. When I say, "The other day," I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago.
7. I remember being able to get up without making sound effects.
8. I had my patience tested. I'm negative.
9. Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer, it comes back as a Tupperware lid that doesn't fit any of your containers.
10. If you're sitting in public and a stranger takes the seat next to you, just stare straight ahead and say, "Did you bring the money?"
11. When you ask me what I am doing today, and I say "nothing," it does not mean I am free. It means I am doing nothing.
12. I finally got eight hours of sleep. It took me three days, but whatever.
13. I run like the winded.
14. I hate when a couple argues in public, and I missed the beginning and don't know whose side I'm on.
15. When someone asks what I did over the weekend, I squint and ask, "Why, what did you hear?"
16. When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminum can stuffed with celery?
17. I don't mean to interrupt people. I just randomly remember things and get really excited.
18. When I ask for directions, please don't use words like "east."
19. Don't bother walking a mile in my shoes. That would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head. That'll freak you right out.
20. Sometimes, someone unexpected comes into your life out of nowhere, makes your heart race, and changes you forever. We call those people cops.
21. My luck is like a bald guy who just won a comb.
22. The fact that my entire body cracks like a glowstick whenever I move yet refuses to actually glow is very disappointing.
Have Rod - Will Fish

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Jim
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Re: My Favorite is #11

Post by Jim »

21 for me! LMAO


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DaleH
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My Favorite is #11

Post by DaleH »

I particularly like #s 10 & 15!

Those 'witty bits' are actually called a paraprosdokian! There are a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to re-frame or re-interpret the first part. They are frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect. For this reason, thy are extremely popular among comedians and satirists.

I'll add #23 to the above list, my FAVORITE for use in the business world!

23. I'd agree with you ... but then we'd both be wrong!"

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MN Fisher
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Location: Mound, MN

My Favorite is #11

Post by MN Fisher »

For me it's #19

KMixson
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My Favorite is #11

Post by KMixson »

I like #3 with #8 a close second.

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LDUBS
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Location: Clayton California

My Favorite is #11

Post by LDUBS »

#9 made me think of lint that seems to magically appear in the clothes dryer. Where does that stuff come from? My extensive collection of T-shirts (golf shirts for formal wear of course) has been washed & dried many times over many years. How can they still produce lint.

Why don't the shirts disappear. What happens to the lint if clothes are hung out to dry? And, if you think about it, why does the lint come out in the dryer instead of the washer?

I asked Mrs Ldubs but she just rolled her eyes (again).
Have Rod - Will Fish