The ten commandments in marriage

[FishingCop]

>
>
> Commandment 1
> Marriages are made in heaven.
> But then again, so is thunder and lightning.
>
> Commandment 2
> If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to
> every word you say, talk in your sleep.
>
> Commandment 3
> Marriage is grand -- and divorce is at least 100
> grand!
>
> Commandment 4
> Married life is very frustrating.
> In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman
> listens.
> In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
> In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors
> listen.
>
> Commandment 5
> When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can
> be sure of one thing:
>
> Either the car is new or the wife is.
>
> Commandment 6
> Marriage is when a man and woman become as one;
> The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
>
> Commandment 7
> Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking
> about something you said .
>
> After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.
>
> Commandment 8
> Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding,
> economical, and a good cook.
>
> But the law allows only one wife.
>
> Commandment 9
> Marriage and love are purely a matter of chemistry.
> That is why one treats the other like toxic waste.
>
> Commandment 10
> A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is
> finished.
>
> BONUS STORY \
>
> A long married couple came upon a wishing well. The wife
> leaned over, made a wish and threw in a coin.
>
> The husband decided to make a wish too. But he leaned over
> too much, fell into the well, and drowned.
>
> The wife was stunned for a moment, but then smiled, 'It
> really works!'

 

[TNtroller]

=D> :LOL2:

 

[Stumpalump]

A man was walking along a Florida beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it, and out popped a genie.

The genie said, "OK, You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah. This is the fourth time this month, and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three... You only get one wish!"

The man sat, and thought about it for a while and said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I'm scared to fly, and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?"

The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible!!!

Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete -- how much steel!! No, think of another wish."

The man said, "OK, I'll try to think of a really good wish."

Finally, he said, "I've been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don't care and that I'm insensitive.

So, I wish that I could understand women, know how they feel inside, and what they're thinking when they give me the silent treatment. Know why they're crying, know what they really want when they say "nothing,", know how to make them truly happy."

The genie said, "Do you want that bridge to be two lanes or four?"