mtnman
Well-known member
GAMES FOR WHEN WE ARE
OLDER
1. Sag, you're It.
2. Hide and go pee.
3. 20
questions shouted into your good ear.
4. Kick the bucket
5.
Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over.
6. Musical recliners.
7. Simon says something incoherent.
8. Pin the Toupee on the
bald guy
SIGNS OF MENOPAUSE:
1. You sell your home heating
system at a yard sale.
2. You have to write post-it notes with your
kids' names on them.
3. You change your underwear after a sneeze.
OLD IS WHEN:
1. Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out
of your face.
2. You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long
as you don't have to go
along.
3. Getting a little action means I
don't need fiber today.
4. Getting lucky means you find your car in
the parking lot.
5. An all-nighter means not getting up to pee!
THOUGHTS FOR A SLOW WEEK:
Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we
messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctr
Alt Delete' and start all
over?
Just remember, if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have started
with
something called labor!
Brain cells come and brain cells go,
but fat cells live forever.
But Most Of All, Remember:
A Good
Friend Is Like A Good Bra: Hard to Find, Supportive, Comfortable, And
Always Close To Your Heart!
Ponderisms:
I used to
eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of
natural
causes.
Garden Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are
removing a weed and
not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out
of the ground easily, it
is a valuable plant.
The easiest way to
find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
Never
take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
In the 60's, people
took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird
and people take
Prozac to make it normal.
How is it one careless match can start a
forest fire, but it takes a whole box
to start a campfire?
Who was
the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these
dangly things here and drink whatever comes out?'
Who was the
first person to say, 'See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next
thing
that comes outta its butt.'
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why
is there a song about him?
Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when
you get undressed if he's going to look
up there anyway?
Do
illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
Why doesn't
glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
OLDER
1. Sag, you're It.
2. Hide and go pee.
3. 20
questions shouted into your good ear.
4. Kick the bucket
5.
Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over.
6. Musical recliners.
7. Simon says something incoherent.
8. Pin the Toupee on the
bald guy
SIGNS OF MENOPAUSE:
1. You sell your home heating
system at a yard sale.
2. You have to write post-it notes with your
kids' names on them.
3. You change your underwear after a sneeze.
OLD IS WHEN:
1. Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out
of your face.
2. You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long
as you don't have to go
along.
3. Getting a little action means I
don't need fiber today.
4. Getting lucky means you find your car in
the parking lot.
5. An all-nighter means not getting up to pee!
THOUGHTS FOR A SLOW WEEK:
Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we
messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctr
Alt Delete' and start all
over?
Just remember, if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have started
with
something called labor!
Brain cells come and brain cells go,
but fat cells live forever.
But Most Of All, Remember:
A Good
Friend Is Like A Good Bra: Hard to Find, Supportive, Comfortable, And
Always Close To Your Heart!
Ponderisms:
I used to
eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of
natural
causes.
Garden Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are
removing a weed and
not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out
of the ground easily, it
is a valuable plant.
The easiest way to
find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
Never
take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
In the 60's, people
took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird
and people take
Prozac to make it normal.
How is it one careless match can start a
forest fire, but it takes a whole box
to start a campfire?
Who was
the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these
dangly things here and drink whatever comes out?'
Who was the
first person to say, 'See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next
thing
that comes outta its butt.'
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why
is there a song about him?
Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when
you get undressed if he's going to look
up there anyway?
Do
illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
Why doesn't
glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
