FishingCop
Well-known member
>During an airline flight the flight attendant asked John, 'Would you like dinner,
>sir?' John, who was seated in the front asked, ‘What are the choices,
>dear?' and the flight attendant replied, 'Yes or no, sir!
>
> A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to
> check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and
> he opened his trench coat and flashed her. without missing a beat, she said, 'Sir,
> I need to see the ticket, not the stub!'
>
> A lady was groping through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she
couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy,
> Say, boy, do these turkeys get any bigger? and the boy replied, 'No
> ma'am, they're all dead!'
>
>
> The police officer got out of his car and walked over to the
kid he’d stopped for speeding The kid rolled down his window and the
> officer leant towards it and said, 'I've been waiting for you all
> day, lad.' and the kid said, ‘Well I got here as fast as I could!’
>
>
> A lorry driver was hurtling along the country road and
> noticed a sign that read, ‘Low Bridge Ahead’. Before he had time to brake,
> the bridge was right in front of him and his lorry got wedged tight under
> it. Traffic quickly backed up for miles behind him but finally a police
> car managed to get through the jam and the officer stopped got out of
> his car and approached the lorry driver saying to him, 'Got
> yourself stuck, huh?' and the driver said, 'No, not at all, sir, I was
> delivering this bridge and I ran out of petrol!'
>
>
> A college teacher reminded her class of the final examination
> the following day. 'Now class, I won't tolerate excuses for you
> not being here tomorrow. Barring nuclear attack, a serious personal injury or
> a death in your close family, no other excuses whatever will be
> acceptable!' A smart-*** student in the back of the room raised his hand and
> asked, 'But tell me, Miss, what would you say if I was suffering from
> complete and utter sexual exhaustion?' The entire class sat bolt
> upright in anticipation of the teacher’s climb down at this and when silence
> was eventually restored, the teacher smiled, shook her head and
> said sweetly, 'Well, I guess you'd have to write the answers with your
> other hand.'
>
>
> A chicken farmer went to a local bar, sat next to
> a woman and ordered a glass of champagne. The woman
> smiled and said, "Say, how about that? I just ordered a glass of
> champagne, too!" "What a coincidence," the farmer said, "I ordered
> champagne because today is a special day for me so I'm celebrating."
> "This is a special day for me too,” said the woman, “I'm also
> celebrating!" "What a coincidence," said the man and they clinked glasses and the farmer
> asked, "If you don’t mind my asking, what are you celebrating?"
> “Well,” said the woman, "my husband and I have been trying for years to have a
> child, and today my gynecologist told me that I'm pregnant!"
> "What a coincidence," said the farmer, "See, I’m a chicken farmer and for
> years all my hens were infertile, but today they've finally started
> laying fertilized eggs." "Wow, that's great,” said the woman,
> "but tell me, just how did your chickens become fertile?" "Oh, that was
> easy” said the farmer, “I used a different ****!” and the woman smiled widely and
> said, "Now isn’t that a coincidence....!"
>
>
>
>
>sir?' John, who was seated in the front asked, ‘What are the choices,
>dear?' and the flight attendant replied, 'Yes or no, sir!
>
> A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to
> check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and
> he opened his trench coat and flashed her. without missing a beat, she said, 'Sir,
> I need to see the ticket, not the stub!'
>
> A lady was groping through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she
couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy,
> Say, boy, do these turkeys get any bigger? and the boy replied, 'No
> ma'am, they're all dead!'
>
>
> The police officer got out of his car and walked over to the
kid he’d stopped for speeding The kid rolled down his window and the
> officer leant towards it and said, 'I've been waiting for you all
> day, lad.' and the kid said, ‘Well I got here as fast as I could!’
>
>
> A lorry driver was hurtling along the country road and
> noticed a sign that read, ‘Low Bridge Ahead’. Before he had time to brake,
> the bridge was right in front of him and his lorry got wedged tight under
> it. Traffic quickly backed up for miles behind him but finally a police
> car managed to get through the jam and the officer stopped got out of
> his car and approached the lorry driver saying to him, 'Got
> yourself stuck, huh?' and the driver said, 'No, not at all, sir, I was
> delivering this bridge and I ran out of petrol!'
>
>
> A college teacher reminded her class of the final examination
> the following day. 'Now class, I won't tolerate excuses for you
> not being here tomorrow. Barring nuclear attack, a serious personal injury or
> a death in your close family, no other excuses whatever will be
> acceptable!' A smart-*** student in the back of the room raised his hand and
> asked, 'But tell me, Miss, what would you say if I was suffering from
> complete and utter sexual exhaustion?' The entire class sat bolt
> upright in anticipation of the teacher’s climb down at this and when silence
> was eventually restored, the teacher smiled, shook her head and
> said sweetly, 'Well, I guess you'd have to write the answers with your
> other hand.'
>
>
> A chicken farmer went to a local bar, sat next to
> a woman and ordered a glass of champagne. The woman
> smiled and said, "Say, how about that? I just ordered a glass of
> champagne, too!" "What a coincidence," the farmer said, "I ordered
> champagne because today is a special day for me so I'm celebrating."
> "This is a special day for me too,” said the woman, “I'm also
> celebrating!" "What a coincidence," said the man and they clinked glasses and the farmer
> asked, "If you don’t mind my asking, what are you celebrating?"
> “Well,” said the woman, "my husband and I have been trying for years to have a
> child, and today my gynecologist told me that I'm pregnant!"
> "What a coincidence," said the farmer, "See, I’m a chicken farmer and for
> years all my hens were infertile, but today they've finally started
> laying fertilized eggs." "Wow, that's great,” said the woman,
> "but tell me, just how did your chickens become fertile?" "Oh, that was
> easy” said the farmer, “I used a different ****!” and the woman smiled widely and
> said, "Now isn’t that a coincidence....!"
>
>
>
>
