Jocularity

[LDUBS]

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.

It is impossible to put down.

 

[Samdog]

It's no fun being left handed.
I would give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

 

[LDUBS]

People accuse me of being skeptical.

I'm not sure I believe that.

 

[LDUBS]

Guy walked up to a woman in a bar.

Said "around?"..."to?"..."under?"..."outside?"..."under?"...

I think he was trying to preposition her.

 

[LDUBS]

I didn't think orthopedic shoes would help.

But, I stand corrected.

 

[LDUBS]

I went to a second hand store looking for old Bing Crosby albums and a boom box.

BOUGHT-A-BING,
BOUGHT-A-BOOM!

 

[KMixson]

What is the difference between a fish and a guitar?
You can't tuna fish.

 

[LDUBS]

A cheese factory exploded in France.

Da Brie is everywhere!

 

[KMixson]

How do you communicate with a fish?

Drop him a line.

 

[GTS225]

Two robins were flying over a golf course after rain and one said,
“I bet there are a lot of worms down there.”
They flew down to one of the greens and found lots of worms.
They ate so many they couldn’t fly.
One robin said,
“Let’s just sit here and bask in the sun.”
While sitting there, two cats came along and ate them.
One cat said,
“There’s nothing I like better than Baskin’ Robins!”

 

[LDUBS]

My wife accused me of being immature.

I told her to get out of my fort.

 

[KMixson]

What did the fish say when he swam into the wall?

Dam.

 

[LDUBS]

People say: "Nothing rhymes with orange."

But, it doesn't.

 

[LDUBS]

I trained my dog to bring toilet paper.

He is a lavatory retriever.

 

[KMixson]

What did the judge say to the dentist?

Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?

 

[LDUBS]

I spent $300 on a limousine and discovered that the fee doesn't include a driver.

Can't believe I spent all that money and have nothing to chauffeur it.

 

[LDUBS]

If an electricians kid gets in trouble, do they get grounded?

They would probably be shocked if that happened.

 

[LDUBS]

Knew a guy who had a hard time getting rid of old magazines.

I guess he had some issues.

 

[LDUBS]

Someone keeps sending me celery and I don't know who it is.

I think I'm being stalked.

 

[LDUBS]

Difference between a well dressed man on a bicycle and a poorly dressed guy on a unicycle?

Attire.